Shitty Horror Movie Spoilers

So everyone has their film nemesis – the film they can’t get to the end of no matter how hard they try. For me it’s “Apocalypse, Now”. For some reason whenever Marlon Brando’s face pokes out of the darkness (not too far from the end might I add!) it sends me into an instant snorefest. Maybe Brando’s voice has that bizarre hypnotic quality to send people to sleep or something. Maybe I’ve no patience for films that long. Or maybe I’m just not destined to see the end. I’ve never seen past that bit in the film anyways.

And then there are the films that are so incredibly bad you start watching them and don’t want to finish watching them but still want to know the ending. And those films that you really can’t be bothered watching at all in any way – but still want to know what happens in the end. For those of you who, like me, are impatient as hell (or like to sleep a lot through the end of movies), we introduce our new section: Shitty Horror Movie Spoilers! Giving you a succinct version (mostly!) of “what happens at the end of… [blank]”. All shitty horror films, naturally.

Enjoy, movie fans!